Monday, April 11, 2011

The Thank You Note

This is the first blog post I ever is from 2007. Enjoy my ranting.

Today's blog is inspired by my friend's wedding. It has everything to do with the idea of the Thank You Card. Allow me to begin by restating the hatred that I have for them, but before we get further into that, let me give a little history of the Thank You Card:

It seems that the first culture to actually send cards to each other to express greetings and thanks were the Chinese, and that started all the way back in...well I don't have an actual date (which may end up being a theme to the blog), but it was, like, a long freaking time ago. This was followed by the Egyptians and their crazy Thank You Papyrus Scrolls. Eventually, by the 1400s, everyone in Europe was sending some type of card, wood carving, or hoops & yoyo e-Card. Fortunately, it was quite expensive to send these cards back then, postage being what it was, so if you were getting married or having a bar-mitzvah, you probably couldn't afford to send cards to everyone that sent you a gift. Then some jackasses named Marcus Ward & Co. (I don't know how arrogant that this Marcus Ward guy was, but imagine only letting your friends be referred to as "& Co." I can assure you that I would never refer to my friends as something as demeaning and degrading as "& Co." Isn't that right "& Associates?") came along and started mass producing the damn things. Shortly thereafter, there came about an 18 year old with a dream:Joyce C. Hall. Interestingly enough, Joyce is not a woman, but is still a little bitch, for reasons with which I shall now regale you. Joyce C. Hall is the visionary who started Hallmark and ended any hope any of us have to spend the first 6 weeks of marriage having sex. Instead, we now have to spend every waking minute speeding up our carpal-tunnel onset while we write meaningless drivel to the people who came to our wedding.

So now you have a brief history of the Thank You Card. But why should we hate such a little piece of paper you ask? Well I will tell you...simply put, when someone gives a gift to someone else, it takes away from the idea of a "gift" if you expect them to give you something back in return. Tell me, if I came to your party and I brought with me a brand new George Foreman Grill for a house warming gift, would it be fair of me to only give it to you with a catch; and that caveat would of course be that you would then have to take time out of your day to write a hand-written note of thanks to me (forget the fact that you have already shown me hospitality by inviting me to your house, feeding me delicious food and served me thirst-quenching drinks), then you would have to affix an ever-increasing in cost stamp, then you would have to mail it to me. And why? Because this Ancient Chinese guy said so?! No, I don't think so.

But alas, society wills it so. I will no doubt have to endure the continuing terror that is the Thank You Note. But that is ok, because I have come up with the perfect solution. When the time comes for me to get married (and I am always looking, just drop me a line...wink, wink), I will include in my invitations the following:

It truly is the perfect solution. I figure, if it is good enough for my dentist, it is good enough for me.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


New blog.

My first one was scattered all over the place. Sometimes I wrote about things on my mind, sometimes I wrote about trips I took. I made fun of my state's governor. I tried to start a movement with my 1 follower. I had this weird way of naming my blogs.

Rookie mistakes. I had no idea what made a good blog. Truth be told, I still don't.

So if I can't promise that I know what I am doing, that I won't make the same mistakes, what can I promise? Well, I am glad I asked. Let me answer that and then provide some further insight. First - I promise that I will not double-space after my periods. Second - I will actually post. Third - while I can't promise I won't make mistakes, I can promise that I won't make the error in judgment I made the first time I started a blog.

The double-space thing is new for me. Apparently the people behind the MLA formatting book have decided that it is no longer necessary for the two spaces after a period when typing. It has something to do with typeset on typewriters and the awesomeness of modern day printing apparatuses. I don't know. I just know that my copywriter at work told me to stop wasting spaces.

Posting is pretty self-explanatory. If you can't figure that out, we may need to reevaluate our blogger/blog reader relationship, because I am going to lose you along the way and I don't want to have to wear one of those Velcro phone-cord things to keep you with me. That said, I will re-post some of my favorite blogs posts from my old blog. That is the best part about being my own editor...I don't care if I reuse my own material.

The error in judgment from my first blog was a big one. I thought I was writing this for everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the idea that others will read what I write. People reading, commenting and following is like crack for bloggers. But it is foolish to think of a blog as anything other than a journal that I am keeping of my thoughts that others can read. It is insight into my mind, sure. It will hopefully be witty to anyone that reads it. I may even write something that is inspiring or moving. But ultimately the benefit is mine alone. And that benefit is probably far off from today. Me going back and rereading these posts 5 years from now is what this is about.

So enjoy. Follow along. Comment all you want. But remember one of the most important things a person can learn: It's not about you.